An Ugly But a Wise, wacky Truth!

She holds your hand; she drops her head on ya shoulder when you sit by her. She even holds ya arm when she walks beside you, talking about how happy she is... When she is, it sends your heart reeling with pleasure- a bliss tinged with calmness. You see her playing away, and you just gaze at her with a stillness that's stirs your heart. While you travel alone, you suddenly see her walking with a different set of folks around, but as your curiosity slowly turns into an apprehension, you acknowledge with an embarrassment, that it is not her but someone else with a grace that very much belongs to her. 

        As i draw out the feelings i feel (felt) in symbols, that i try to convey the meaning intended i stop short. A realization that crawls out in an ugly form - from within, though ugly it makes me wise. It hits hard, enough for me to convict myself on the notion that am selfish. A selfish mind ( i should say heart) that surrenders only when u think deep and maintain an open mind - unbiased. On the surface, for me to think about my feelings, vent it out or confess it or repress it can be seem consciously right but on the contrary i don't seem to give a damn, though innocently about what she thinks or feels. Though in many instances, her physical dandles can be conscious intentions to leave a trail of emotional ecstasy in my heart but what if it wasn't intended. "Not Intended?"... What does that suppose to mean? Well this is the question that hit me right in the nerve. Yeah it's possible to be "not-intended", specially if she has been brought up in a different culture or environment or grew up with a different perspective. (Opposite sexes always complain about the difference in perspective)

         All this time i have been selfish, thinkin' about what she makes me feel, all the while i did forget what it means to her. Besides if she feels the same, then to express yours can always be justified, for it might not cause any friction in the short run but you need to be sure; assumptions don't always sync.( Though physical laws are always based on assumptions) Every human has a free will, which i guess shouldn't violate even if i feel so good without a scheme in mind. So i try to step back, feel what i feel but before i draw the conclusions, i try to find the whats about her and the way she feels then with respect to her space, i express mine. This tends to give more meaning, i guess in the long run. I know and believe that this life is not just about me ( when it comes to a relationship; otherwise too!) and therefore am content, without much of vulnerability i accept people even when they don't feel the same way i do about them.

         I sit down with ease for it's not about the validation of my feelings, that brings to meaning and satisfaction to my poor soul but looking to see the bigger picture; God sees the ultimate picture for he is outside space-time! ( I assumed that God exists when i wrote this :P)  Now with a greater hope, i tread on to listen more than to speak!!! :)